October 11, 2017 5:40am
Before I go on to details. I would just like to reiterate that I don't have any kind of educational background in psychology. I am writing this because I myself have felt depressed, down, burden, dejected, oppress, weigh down, rejected, and stress out for so many reasons. But I have always been dug out of it. And I would just like to share how I did it? But before that, something about Joey de Leon’s remark regarding depression, and for what he has said since it is something that is out of his “vocabulary”. Because he has not felt nor experienced it, he has not known that it is really a serious thing. He is always jolly, joyful, always have a smile on his face, and takes something out in positive ways or in comical ways. Meaning he only feels the opposite of it. But when he got home, and his family talks to him. Now he understood and said sorry or apologizes for something he has said, and that he doesn’t know at first. That is the big difference in Man’s Law and God’s Law. The human law states that “Innocence of the law excuses no one” while with God’s law “Ignorance excuses someone - 1Timothy 1:13 Who was before a blasphemer, and a persecutor, and injurious: but I obtained mercy, because I did it ignorantly in unbelief.” (click the link for further reading of this article from Bro. Eli Soriano)
Now back on our actual topic. You may ask, what do I have to be depressed? First of all, when I was born I already have been diagnosed with a Congenital Heart Disease. That’s what I have known its name for a so long time, that is why I often hear doctors or anyone that has medical affiliation what kind of congenital heart illness? It's because there are so many of them. I only found out when I went to one of our doctors in MCGI a heart surgeon Doctor P. When he said he would like to know the details and for me to have a checkup in Philippine Heart Center. and so I did, it was nostalgic because I know I come and go to this place before, I have found out it is called Tetralogy of Fallot, and it was verified when I became a Licensed Financial Advisor. I have seen how can Insurance and a little Investment do to a person, I tried to get one but I was asked to get a health check-up for free then when the results came they said they need to get further results from a 2D Echo and from a Heart Specialist. So I came ask Doctor P again and from all the results that came out, it is truly Tetralogy of Fallot. I became a PWD (Person with Disability). From the day I started knowing or understanding things, I found myself different, not normal or regular person. I get tired much rather quickly than others, 10x faster than regular or normal people. I am not able to play a long game of “hide and seek”, “patintero”, basketball, etc. I have always thought that normal or regular people are Special, and me? I am nothing special. I have never done P.E. activities, only discussions, lessons, in test and exams, and I’m not that good also. I was exempted out of from sports fests, etc. If you will hear my heartbeat with or without the stethoscope. What you will hear from normal people like you is a beat or a tap that goes tugs-tugs-tugs, mine is a sliding blood on rocks that goes wush-wush-wush. May I asked you now? If you were me? Are you not already depressed, frustrated in life?
But that is just the beginning! Let’s go to the Second one. In my 5th grade in Elementary, my eyes just started to get blurry. I cannot function properly, cannot read from blackboards our lessons, assignments, and announcements. My parents took me to an Ophthalmologist and in that he told me that I need to use correction glasses. At first a very minimal grade then it just goes up and up and up. Until now I am 41 years old it's already 750 in the left and 700 in the right.I can’t see properly without the glasses, it is a very big burden already because before the lenses were heavy and there were no thin lenses or maybe my parents couldn’t afford it yet. Maybe that is why I have the thick ones. If I am not mistaken, I have changed or replace my glasses more or less 25 times. And gotten contact lenses 7 times. I am now a walking zombie with glasses. Like the ones in the TV show “Walking Dead” that has distorted bodies.
Thirdly, I ‘ve acquired a double “S curve scoliosis” and just found that out after the Pinatubo eruption. My classmates and I just got back in going to the 2nd year of High School. Saw one of my friend walking bent sideways, he is mimicking someone, and I didn’t know it was me, I went home just after school, looked at myself in the mirror. Whoola, I said oh it was me. That is why I was having trouble sleeping and I keep on bending my self every time I go to bed just to make it go back naturally. And that made my life much more worst, I can't show my body to anyone on a beach or swimming pool, they might think I’m a monster. I am standing straight but if you see me my side is slanted sideways, looking to the left or to the right it depends on what part of the body you focus on there is a great skeletal abnormality. When I force to straighten my stance or while I walk, I got more exhausted. Until I just sit down in a squatting position or I put my hand on my knees and hold them.
And lastly, just recently I went to a Neurologist to get a checkup of my ongoing dizziness with a severe headache, which has been happening since 2012 but I was just ignoring it since it just might be a because of my heart illness. But after doing the MRI with the help of Brethren who paid for the whopping bill, I was diagnosed with “Vertigo”. Every now and then I fall out of balance, I cannot get up, everything is spinning just like now while I am writing this down, but there are severe times that I can't even do anything cause everything was spinning. I have no more composure on what to show off my face when all of this simultaneously happens. Man, it is really hard to show off a calm smiling face like I was used doing with my current situation. They see me okay outside but inside a lot of things is happening that I don’t have a control that I could not do something about but pray that God, isn’t it time already, for you to get me? But, who am I to question what He wants? There is something He wants to convey to all of us, that He is God, He is the creator of all.
Isaiah 45:9 Woe unto him that striveth with his Maker! Let the potsherd strive with the potsherds of the earth. Shall the clay say to him that fashioneth it, What makest thou? or thy work, He hath no hands?
With all of these conditions, I’ve gotten picked on, bullied, embarrassed at, laughed at, whispered on, called on many kinds of names, frustrated, etc. I even ask God, Why do I have all of this? Did I do something wrong? I am just a teenager, what awful thing have I done? Did my parent's done something they're not supposed to have done? Those things keep on lingering on me, day after day. The only thing kept me going on and clinging on to life was the love of my Family and the teachings of the voice over the radio show or the tapes that my father have made on playing over-and-over, lingered in my mind saying “Life is a gift from God, we must protect it.” and the verses that were being sprouted out of his mouth. God is the creator of all people, blind, deaf, etc.
“Exodus 4:11 And the LORD said unto him, Who hath made man's mouth? or who maketh the dumb, or deaf, or the seeing, or the blind? have not I the LORD?”
God is the one who gives life and taketh and gives wound or sickness and heals. That is why we should not take our lives. Because we are not the owner of this life, it was given for us to have everlasting life, but taking your own life means you don’t know the real meaning of it. Because it was not taught by the religions in our time. They even permit mercy killing.
“Deuteronomio 32:39 See now that I, even I, am he, and there is no god with me: I kill, and I make alive; I wound, and I heal: neither is there any that can deliver out of my hand.”
God made a promise to every one of us that we can get everlasting life.
John 6:40 And this is the will of him that sent me, that every one which seeth the Son, and believeth on him, may have everlasting life: and I will raise him up at the last day.
That voice who is full of hope, mercy, and love to other people, is speaking the words of God in truth without any kind of self-interest, just for us to be able to receive God’s promise. Can only be achieved in the Church of God he preaches. The only church who follows God's commandments and Christ doctrines in full.
If I did not get the to hear that voice. I may not be able to write this down for you to read it. So, for everyone who has depression, if you think you are all alone, you are nothing, you are being neglected, you are left in the dark, you are ridiculed, you are bullied, you have been weighed down, you have been oppressed, you have been declined, you have neglected, you are not loved by God Himself. Don’t make any rash decisions, we are here for you. To tell you the whole truth that God is the one who first loved us, that is why He gave you a chance of life to be able to be with Him in eternal life.
1 John 4:16 And we have known and believed the love that God hath to us. God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him.
4:17 Herein is our love made perfect, that we may have boldness in the day of judgment: because as he is, so are we in this world.
4:18 There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.
4:19 We love him, because he first loved us.